The sun will sweat when it finds the joy you and your children will take in melodic harmony with the blinds pulled. William Gurley presents “Beat Blinds”: now with each and every note worthy of blackness at midday. Not included is “Foot-stool of Ultimate Tallness” for those up-and-coming percussionists whose curse it is to walk in ultimate shortness.

Will Gurley brings the beats: “Beat Blinds, xylophone window blinds. Put a little sound in your sill. These wooden window blinds have a secondary purpose as a musical instrument. Beat Blinds encourage children to embrace the world of music” [...in the dark]

Certainly the most evil instrument devised this century, Beat Blinds steal not only the sunlight, but also the hearts of the parents whose children will be entranced by the joyful clonking of the xylophone keys. Feel free to shop here last, folks, because after your ultimate quest for dark instruments is over, you’ll realize that after Beat Blinds, there’s definitely none more black.

Designer: William Gurley